The Best Video Game Consoles Ever: #5-1

So sometimes I am a bit of a slacker, or I get busy livin and forget to get busy writing. That said, here we go, way late; my top 5 consoles of all time. If you ignored me per usual, time to pay attention and read parts uno y dos. Below you’ll see my score and justification for the best 5 video game boxes ever produced, followed by the final chart showing all of the 15 scores in line. Per usual, tear me apart in the comments as you please!

5. Nintendo 64
Score: 36
Games: 7
Graphics/Sound: 6
Controller/Interface: 10
Durability: 9
Intangibles: 4

Sheer, absolute, uninhibited joy. That is what I felt free running as Mario in an open world on that first encounter with Super Mario 64. The N64 innovated more genres of gaming than any console before it. While it did not create these modes of play, the first person shooter with Goldeneye, flight with Pilot Wings, sports play and management with any of the EA Sports games all got a significant console level boost on the N64. Mario Kart was stronger and more fun here than in any other iteration. The controller? A sheer pleasure to hold, a perfect extension of your palm. It is a bit of a sin I don’t have this system higher up the list.

4. Playstation 2
Score: 37
Games: 8
Graphics/Sound: 7
Controller/Interface: 9
Durability: 5
Intangibles: 8

The first console to have wireless controller attachments, the first console to go (successfully Dreamcast!) on-line, the first console to put a plastic guitar in your hands, the PS2 was more anticipated than any unit ever. Remember waiting in line to buy one? Remember them selling for $1,000 on eBay? Remember the sheer shock of amazement at those graphics when you loaded NHL or Madden and saw individually drawn crowd members cheering for your team? The PS2 started all that chaos. Game selection was already into the hundreds when the original Xbox came out, and the horrid size, power usage and missteps of Microsoft never allowed it to match Sony’s most successful console ever. That said, we all had a few optical lens issues and feared for our lives each time that disc drive slid open. But seriously, you could watch DVDs on your game console(!) How amazing was that?

3. Sega and the 32X
Score: 39
Games: 9
Graphics/Sound: 8
Controller/Interface: 7
Durability: 8
Intangibles: 7

The Sega was the preeminent system for an era. Games out the wazzo. Sonic, Desert Strike, Earthworm Jim, NHL 94, Mortal Kombat, Streets of Rage, on and on they go. That controller? Divine intervention. Nothing ever seemed so amazing and comfortable in your hands. The console was a step forward from the 8-bit era in all the right ways, and in many similar to the Super Nintendo. The basis for designation as the 3rd best console comes down to iconic themes and what we think of when some classic games or characters are brought up. Sonic? Sega. Mortal Kombat? Sega. For the SNES era games, if you mention Mario, Metroid, Donkey Kong; you don’t think of the SNES, you think of the original Nintendo. The SNES only defined itself with the Star Wars series, and that just was not enough.

2. Microsoft Xbox 360
Score: 40
Games: 9
Graphics/Sound: 9
Controller/Interface: 10
Durability: 2
Intangibles: 10

The Xbox 360 is the current champion of the industry. Innovation in graphics, sound, design and community interactivity all start and stop here. Sure the PS3 can boast a Blu-ray player and just as powerful a graphic/audio experience, but the PS3 completely bones the community involvement, which sends so many throngs of friends to the Xbox. The ability to group up in parties, talk to each other across different games, interact and meet new friends, the Xbox makes distance gaming almost feel like on the couch gaming did for the N64 or Sega. With exclusive titles like Gears of War and the Halo series, along with getting some titles before the PS3 will, the 360 is your top choice for today’s gaming addictions. The 360 controller feels like a controller should, compared to the too light and bumbling PS3 unit with its poorly modified triggers. The console obviously has its downfalls. Yours will break. $100 on the mat right now, buy one and it will break, probably soon. It is loud, it is too big, it does not have built in wireless internet, and it does not have a great hard drive system. Still, this unit forced a gaming revolution, who can say they play today without thinking about Achievement Points? Microsoft has come a long way with the 360, and should knock it out of the park with whatever their third console is.

1. Nintendo Entertainment System
Score: 44
Games: 10
Graphics/Sound: 7
Controller/Interface: 8
Durability: 10
Intangibles: 9

The big dog, queen bee, lord and savior of all indoor entertainment; the NES started everything for real. This was the first platform to transcend geeks and reach average people. For true gamers, how many games do I have to list to convey the importance of game quality during this era? Mario Bros, Zelda, Metroid, Contra, Mega Man, Battle Toads, Ninja Turtles, it goes on and on! 61 million of these consoles were sold, and at the time they include two games, two controllers and a light gun! What value! The 8-bit graphics and sound still hold up today for a basis of design, just look at the recent Mega Man 9, or exploding market for 8-bit emulators on the iPhone, hand-helds and PC. The controller was simple, move-jump-shoot, and today, sometimes I just wish that was what they all still were. There is something to be said for nostalgia in a contest like this, and something to be said for acknowledging a trend setter and rule breaker. The NES did more than sell so many million units or start a whole generation of video game lovers, it brought about the first real design elements of games as stories/art/culture as opposed to pong or asteroids; it started it all.


Thanks for hanging around for the ride, feel free to tear apart my opinions in the comments and please, just go game a little. Give a programmer his wings.

A bunch of games others have reviewed hundreds of times like 3 years before I played them

A few quick game reviews and thoughts since they have piled up and I never quite found the time to write anything about them:

Fall Out 3
Why the heck am I even bothering to write this? Everyone who games knows the scoop. This was one of the best ever. A ridiculously sized open world in post apocalyptic Washington D.C. with crazy stories, monsters, weapons, and missions. Player customization was without a doubt the highlight of this for me. As always, it is perplexing to realize your character is carrying the load of a pack mule while traversing the wasteland, but it is a game mechanic long accepted. While I ended up skipping half the missions and having to go back during one of the expansions to beat them, the logical layout of mission projection and game advancement was skillfully thought out. Really you need to give 60+ hours of time to Fall Out if you are a big RPG fan. Or a fan of lasers. Or robots. Maybe werewolves too.

Score: 5 out of 5 nuka-colas

Uncharted
Uncharted 2 drops next week, and for the first time as a PS3 owner I am beyond psyched. Uncharted provided the kind of action movie/game experience you never get from either action movies or games. The characters and dialog are the sole winners of this game. You care about your protagonist and his story. The game mechanics are fun, fluid, and tricky enough to make you die a few times. I am sure Uncharted 2 will improve on all the low points, but for Uncharted, the low points are still 8 out of 10s. If you liked Tomb Raider for the genre and not the big boobs, this is right up your alley but sooooo much better. Nathan Drake FTW.

Score: 4 out of 5 zombies in this game for some random reason

Resistance
Seriously poor buy. I have Resistance 2 on my shelf waiting to be played, because I heard so many good things about it, but Resistance was so hard to control, navigate and play that I don’t even know if I should open it. This game comes off feeling like Halo: CE, 5 years after Halo came out. The story gives me hope for Resistance 2, but Resistance one, blow me.

Score: 1 out of 5 wtf aliens from Russia?

Killzone 2
I never played Killzone on the PS2, but I did have a run in with it for the PSP, which turned me onto the story a bit. Boy am I happy I jumped in. Killzone 2 is a fantastic, gritty, futuristic shooter. The sound, graphics, mechanics, story and weapons all drew me in. Killzone 2 falls as a mix of Call of Duty and Halo really. Realistic weapons, combat variants and gore, in a other worldly setting. I really can’t promote the multiplayer as I have not touched it, but it looks to be about as fun as Gears of War, just first person.

Score: 4 out of 5 grenades that beep when thrown are much easier to run away from than the silent type

The Best Video Game Consoles Ever: #10-6

So the first 5 consoles of my top 15 ranking drew up a little debate on the ‘ol blog and on the export of the article to Facebook… exxxcellent. I cannot tell you how much I love that you hate that I put the SNES so low. If you missed numbers 15 through 11, you can see them here. Now it is time to show you who was just a pixel above the worst of the best, I guess you could say.

10. Microsoft Xbox
Score: 31
Games: 7
Graphics/Sound: 7
Controller/Interface: 5
Durability: 6
Intangibles: 6

I hear another wave of complaints coming, but I don’t think I’ll be able to find and read them. See this giant, no; behemoth console is blocking my view. We get it Microsoft, you are monsters. You create everything that is good and powerful. I recommend next time you don’t make a console that won’t fit inside the door of a home. For real though, this was a big machine. The Xbox never got a foothold to go up against the PS2; it simply came out way to late in the generational war to combat Sony. The hardware issues could be called petty, but they existed. The box consumed more power than Zeus, the controller was too big for anyone not named Gigantor, and I defy you to name a console exclusive title outside of Halo: CE and Halo 2 that anyone would look at today with fond memories. A good start Microsoft, but a middle of the road machine.

9. Sega Dreamcast
Score: 32
Games: 8
Graphics/Sound: 5
Controller/Interface: 6
Durability: 7
Intangibles: 6

So many people have the Dreamcast as their favorite console. So few of you actually ever owned one. Those that did, myself not included, considered it a gem. The last Sega console ever was a beauty. The controller was beyond innovative, comfortable and futuristic, the on-line network ahead of its time. The failure of the last great Sega unit is as perplexing as it is sad. Titles like Phantasy Star On-line, Shenmue, Jet Grind Radio, Sonic Adventure and Grandia 2 provided ample chances for the Dreamcast to grab attention as exclusive titles, but the propaganda and advertisement war against Sony and Microsoft was not powerful enough. At the end of the day, many see the Dreamcast as another NES, a system you keep for life and cherish memories with; it just didn’t live long enough.

8. Sony Playstation
Score: 33
Games: 8
Graphics/Sound: 4
Controller/Interface: 5
Durability: 8
Intangibles: 8

The first Sony brought the first massive game library on optical discs. Chances are if you owned an original PS, you still do, because it really didn’t break down. The PS brought us our first appearance of the innovative Dualshock controller, our first play of Crash Bandicoot, and who can forget Final Fantasy VII… seriously, get over it, it happened like 34 years ago. The PS had new games out every damn day, any title you wanted to play that wasn’t named Mario, you had it. Grand Theft Auto, Persona and Star Ocean all provided innovation still copied today. The PS was revolutionary for giving the industry a viable reason and method to go optical, while it’s contemporary the N64 was still slugging along with solid state cartridges. 100 million consoles worldwide are not ever wrong.

7. Nintendo Gamecube
Score: 34
Games: 6
Graphics/Sound: 6
Controller/Interface: 8
Durability: 9
Intangibles: 5

Oh Gamecube, I loved you so much. You were so cute and cuddly for a cube. All tiny and cubey and colorful. It was a console to be loved, and one with some really shining examples of Nintendo game design. While a lot of the games you played on the ‘cube were third generations of SNES and N64 titles, they provided explicit reasons to purchase the console, even late in its life. Zelda Windwaker and Twilight Princess, Super Mario Sunshine, Metroid Prime, Mario Kart Double Dash and any of the 80 versions of Mario Party. This was a fun console to play with friends, and the portability of a tiny lil cube, especially when compared to the monster Xbox or fragile PS2, was nice. The controllers, the last great controller Nintendo ever made, were real joys to hold, and it is no mistake Wii players today still crave the feel of an old Gamecube controller.

6. Sony Playstation 3
Score: 35
Games: 6
Graphics/Sound: 9
Controller/Interface: 6
Durability: 7
Intangibles: 7

And here we go; the first major console of the current generation. Yea the Wii was ranked really low, but I don’t consider the Wii to be current generation gaming at all. So the PS3 falls at least lower than the Xbox 360, and several other units. Graphically, it’s a great machine, top of the line and worth playing new games on. The Blu-ray disc drive is nice for the new movies and such, but the longevity of Blu-ray is still far from determined. Let’s go over some real down points though. The third generation of the Dualshock controller, the Sony “Sixaxis” blows. It feels so light and weak, and the “six axis motion control” is a pointless gimmick and very annoying when you are forced to use it in games. The games themselves are fine a lot are great fun. Console exclusives Killzone 2, Little Big Planet, Metal Gear Solid 4, Uncharted, and soon to be Uncharted 2, are all fantastic. The big issue is that is all there is. The exclusives on the 360, and the downloadable content of this new generation for the 360 games surpasses what is found on the PS3. The dashboard and whole console navigation scheme is clunky, slow and confusing. The real downfall though is the network, it just sucks. Nobody wants to play PS Home, and finding and playing with friends on the PSN is nothing when compared to Xbox Live. Yes the PSN is free, but you get what you pay for in this scenario.

So there we go, another 5 charted and scored, another 5 to be digested and spat back out with your own opinion. That is what is so fantastic about these machines though; so many people had unique and impactful experiences on a particular device, that they still feel the joy of it today. Next week I bring you numbers 5 through the king console of them all, so till then I say bleep bloop.

Who wants a sledgehammer to the face?

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, allow me to ask you some simple questions…

Have you ever wanted to smash someone in the face with a sledgehammer?


Have you ever wanted to bring down a building, piece by piece, with that same hammer?

Forget the hammer, how about strategically placing mines around that building so you can take out the support system and make it fall on a bunch of dudes you were going to sledge hammer anyway?

Have you ever wanted to fire rocket launchers at chemical tanks and cause massive chain reactions blowing up buildings and killing dozens?

How about firing a gun that breaks down a person or object to its molecular bits and pieces?

I KNOW you’ve wanted to drive trucks, tanks and walking robots, arms swinging, through buildings... going back to finish off any survivors you missed on the first pass.

I imagine hunting for a series of objects to destroy and complete a mission would be interesting to you as well. How about a bunch of wind turbines? Maybe you’d like to place a charge on the side and watch it fall onto the head of that dude over yonder? Yea, I thought so.

Would you like a world that promises absolutely every man-made object can be destroyed, bit by bit, first the concrete, then the rebar, then the dude standing behind it?

Just go buy Red Faction: Guerilla then. I really can’t sum it up any better than this: Boom.

Score: 4 out of 5 Sledgehammers to the face

World War II: When Nazi Zombies walked the Earth

There are a few constants in this world you can count on. Night and Day, love and loss, authors using this same line to open a paragraph, and video games being made about World War II. For our generation no event has captured our imaginations and awe as a conflict that is enough removed that we have no memory, but not so much that we cannot interact with heroes and victims from it. I imagine when my grandchildren grow up; media will mimic the war or terror in the same way, although in my mind it will pale in comparison to the sudden burst of violence and destruction in such a short amount of time that was WWII.

None the less, Call of Duty: World at War thrusts us into WWII for the 17th time this year it feels like, but this really is a title that is worth the purchase. Carrying over virtually every interface and game play variant from the popular CofD4: Modern Combat, WaW picks up with ease, and adds to it a fresh new story and combat elements.


First I will point out my favorite aspect, which you may suspect by his large picture overhead. Kiefer William Frederick Dempsey George Rufus Sutherland voices one of the American characters in the game and I swoon every time he speaks. I think the Russian character is famous too, I just don’t know who it is.

So what is new about the game? First off, the co-op has expanded, in CofD4 I don’t think you could play co-op missions at all, but now you can play with 3 other buddies, very cool. Multiplayer is the same game it was before, just with new maps and weapons historically accurate to WWII of course. As always, the art design is beautiful and you end up getting blasted to death just wandering around and taking in the world created.

A new raved about multiplayer variant is available to you after beating the game. Akin to the Gears of War 2 “horde mode”, “Nazi Zombies” throws you in a barn and has you defend against well, Nazi zombies as they tear down planks on the windows and try to eat your souls. It’s fun, but not ground breaking by any means. Having only 1 map to play it on, save for buying more, also kind of sucks.

For me the game really shines in the missions. CofD has a knack for piecing together a tense, challenging and rich story that flows from one mission to another. Veteran mode still makes you want to throw your controller through the window, but when you get through a mission on V, you feel like your life is complete. Yet again they let us play in an airplane for a mission, one of the cool Black Cat amphibious planes, which was a lot of fun, and the tank mission as well proved to be a joy; who knew tanks had flamethrowers?

In the end WaW is gritty, dirty, bloody violence that has all the characteristics of a CofD game; Great sound design, great attention to weapon detail, fairly smart AI, and a lot of fun. Perhaps the one thing WaW has that shines a little more than previous CofD titles, is the moral message. The story really wants you to understand the weight and value of what occurred 50 some years ago; if you can stop enjoying the Nazi zombies for a minute that is.

Score: 3 out of 5 Kiefer's gritty sexy voices

Zombies CAN ride dirt bikes!

Man I love me some zombies. For Christmas I was given a how to survive zombie attacks set of flash cards and after reading, I felt pretty assured I knew what was what. In leading up to the days of Resident Evil 5, Damman argued with me that the game had no zombies, as I hysterically screamed about dirt bike riding zombies from the trailer. Well since my play through, applying my flash card knowledge, I do have to say this is not a “zombie” game, and it is also not a typical Resident Evil game. A lot of purists have been in an uproar over this; I, well, I have enjoyed the product and I’ll be so kind as to tell you why.

RE5 pretty much abandons survival horror like an unwanted child at the mall. No mention of it, no remorse for it, the game just went a different way. This is a shooter… where you can’t actually shoot while you move. Let us call it a “Stand Still Shooter with Inventory Management.” I think that does nicely. I ate this up. I loved the story, I loved the enemies, I thought the levels were varied and unique. Puzzles pleasurable and simple. The variety of weapons ridiculous (more later) and the cooperative experience joyous.

For me, co-op has become the new drug. Damman has become my new video game BFF as we have sought out new ways to constantly annoy each other while achieving a common goal. RE5 provides another way for one person to be all brain, and another to use hap-hazard brawn. (take a guess who is who.) The inventory management allowing you to trade items with your partner creates a fun interplay between who takes what on a given level and what strategies you want to use for a given boss.

The dialog, as Damman explains, is typical RE, very cheesy. Hell by the end of the game, my very first RE experience, I could guess a line before they said it. As I eluded to before, however, the story was fun. It may do a horrible job of trying to explain the history of RE, but as a stand-alone, it won me over.

The replay value for this title is immense. The un-lockable weapons, costumes, special items and game modes make for a unique kind of treasure hunt. I went back through after my first run through and hunted for all the emblems, treasure and missed goodies from before, searching for the kind of completion of a game I rarely desire. Some may call this achievement whoring, some may be disinterested in it. The blank fact is my game clock was about 11 hours to beat it, and I’ve logged another 6 just hunting for things now. Entertainment value is entertainment value folks.

End of the day, this isn’t really RE5 as much as it is RE-a new way to play. It was hella fun, I am going to play some more, a lot more, and I hope to horde all of your magnum ammo in game sometime if you ever play with me too.

Score: 4 out of 5 “Damn it Jason, you blew me up again!”s

Deviant art image stolen from haruningster

Your Mass has an Effect on me

I am driven to review a game from last year, primarily because I did not review anything on this blog prior to a few months ago and this one deserves it. Now I tend to give my opinion on matters which I feel could help others make decisions, or experience something new/fun/life affirming. Far be it from me to ever expect a video game, album or beer to do these… wait… no, I think those ARE exactly what could change a life. So without further adieu, Mass Effect.

I completed M.E. in November of ’07. Lately I have been inundated with new games, so many in fact, a whole month was renamed. I still have quite a few on the shelf to play. Oh hello there Bioshock. Yes I know you were the game of the year in 2007. Yes I know I still have not opened you. Yes, Yes, whatever. For some reason, I have no desire to open the new ones, and since I cannot find NHL 2009 at any fuckin store in Baltimore, I went back to Mass Effect for a second go.

M.E. is what they now call an action RPG. Unlike a Japanese RPG, when you have girlish looking male characters that stand in a line and take turns combating opponents, an ARPG plays like an action game, while still giving you inventory management, experience points, and upgrades. Mass Effect presents a dizzying amount of each, for upwards of six crew members on your space ship. Yes, given that there is a space ship, this game is in space. Humanity joins galactic alliance, thing threatens humanity, you discover thing threatens the entire galaxy, you save the galaxy. Pretty simple.

Mass Effect shines and deserves my second play through, and maybe your first, for a few reasons. #1, there is hot human on alien sex.

Oh, you still need more? Ok, fine. The game bleeds dialog. Not only do you get the voice acting of the guy who did the Navy “Get a life” or whatever it said commercials, but you get a lot of really talented voice work saying hours and hours of words. This really does equal a complex story, and a deep universe back story. If you take the time to read the notes, listen to the characters, hours of game play can become hours of story time.

The universe is a fun, fresh take on space. I like the mechanics of space exploration, and species interaction. The story is mapped out in a way you can go do a lot of side things, or follow the main plot. It is nothing that has not been done before, but it made it feel unique and new.

The bad? Horrid pop-in graphics as each scene loads, really dumb driving missions, and idiotic enemy AI. The downloadable story missions from XBL were not really worth play either.

When all is said and done, Mass Effect is THE game that got me into RPG playing, and is worth a shot. It was worth me spending some lunch time writing about, and worth you picking up for $19.99 in the bargain bin.

Score: 4 out of 5 hot lesbian alien sex scenes

Feeling quite alive in Dead Space

Today I completed the Sci-Fi horror game Dead Space, and with it, conquered my irrational fear of scary video games. I kinda wuss out sometimes. Stuff makes me jump. Sounds make me look around like I am being hunted. It's spooky, OK? Either way, I challenged on, beat it, and more importantly loved it more and more the further I got. There were an incredible number of things that went really well in this one, and in a year where it had to stack up against GTA IV and Fall Out 3, not to mention Gears 2, Dead Space will be passed over by too many. Read this poorly written review, and please give the game a shot.

We can begin with the story. I love the world design and the notion that humanity has developed ships and fleets that roam the galaxy tearing apart planets to harvest them. The whole "derelict space craft with aliens on board" is over played a bit, but as Dead Space's story develops and you learn more about what you encounter, you become enthralled in the religion, technology and people the game thrusts upon you. So while it started fast and kept a moderate pace of story content, the final few chapters (12 total) really ramped up the excitement of discovering your protagonist's fate.

The art and aesthetics are where this really becomes a gem. Blood, destruction, blood, guts, blood, flickering lights.. and you get it, blood. It is everywhere and its not over done, but done just well enough to make you imagine each scene's occurrences before you arrived. The sound design is phenomenal, and possibly the single best effect of the whole game. The things you hear that are just sound track merge so well with the sounds of creatures and machinery you interact with, that you struggle to tell if you are currently being hunted or are safe. The game manages to never make you feel truly secure, always keeping you on your toes, never rewarding you with a sense of security after a battle. Ya know how in old cartoons if a door or boulder or anything in the scene were going to be a part of the animation, it had a different color or look than the backdrop? You could tell what was part of the foreground and not the background. Well in Dead Space, you can't. It merges into one freaky world audibly and visually so well.

Some of my favorite aspects of the game were its HUD design and weaponry. All menus, controls, maps, video dialog, all come up from a holographic projection in your suit. With your character set slightly off to the left in third person, your suit projects navigation, inventory and weaponry to the right of the screen. Once you master an amazingly simple control scheme, the game moves fluidly and you feel as if you really stand in the ship, running for your own hide. The weaponry is a strong suit for the game because they did not just arm you with machine guns, rocket launchers and lasers. Managing to turn mining equipment into powerful weapons, and give you the ability to upgrade them as the game moves on, really added to the helpless non-soldier feeling of your character.

Dead Space does have its fall offs. You never really feel much emotion from or for the main character. No voice, face or personality makes him hard to connect to, particularly in respect to his love interest on the ship. I found out late that you have the ability to go back and read his journal, but it does not help as much as is needed. The other major gripes are the times the game tries to be something it isn't. Playing basketball and asteroids is not the strong suit of Dead Space, but they included it to break up the story I suppose. For me, it just ruined the flow.

In the end, the game got almost everything right. Fresh weaponry and inventory ideas, unrelenting pursuit and fear, the morbid quiet of outer space. Dead Space comes up huge, and is worth every childish scream that made me feel like a lil girl.

Score: 5 out of 5 headless floating corpses dripping blood all over my TV screen.

Jiggle the handle

I wrote a post a couple months ago dealing with an on-line footprint, or your history of internet usage. The internet can be a place where footprints are left in cement as opposed to a track in the sand. Erasing is impossible without powerful tools and effort. In the mid '90s when AOL really started to take hold and anyone who had internet was now under a screen name, or sharing one with a family. Many people were forced into choosing "handle" for the first time in their lives. Simple handles involving any combination of your name, birthday, hometown or favorite sport were common. My first ever handle was a simple jas6854 on AOL, with the numbers being completely random.

I halfheartedly attempted to figure out the origin of the term handle, but I lost interest. I do know the term originated within the hacker community in probably the late '80s, and more recently has become part of the common lexicon of message board and video game culture. I find great interest in the evolution of a handles purpose. In the past hackers used them to carve a unique identity keeping them hidden from authority, yet allowing them to take claim for their accomplishments. Today a handle can either be synonymous with a person's true persona or used as a veil just as it was originally in the '80s. The advent of video game handles and the very prevalent Xbox gamercard, Wii Mii, and etc. have allowed people to create secondary personae that are socially acceptable and desirable to connect your true identity with.

Yet even in this world where a handle may just be used as a true extension of yourself online, others have used the masking ability of it to become horrible other versions of themselves. The ability to spew racist, sexist, and un-pc commentary in video games and on message boards without any blow back to one's personal self is an opportunity so many have been unable to resist. The psychological reasons for this are beyond my desire to explore and have been written about before, but what should be noted as I continue, are the two common forms of handle usage; continuation of self, and a alternate self.

What is really interesting to me is how people choose their handles. I would like to as an example, use the Three B group's Xbox tags which are posted on this very blog. In looking over the few examples we have, I see a common theme of clique nicknames and inside jokes as a basis for a gamertag.

My own personal handle Uckofay stems from a unique evolution of nicknames and inside jokes, to which the absolute origin of it I am not even aware. Due most assuredly to my big mouth, outlandish comments and actions, a roommate dubbed me Fucko, to which my first blush reaction is perceiving it as an protagonist/jester nickname. I modified the name myself using pig latin for a more socially acceptable use on bar crawl t-shirts, and Uckofay was born. As time went on I shortened it to U-fay, but always kept Uckofay along with TheOnlyDoubleJ as the two handles most people know me as in an online interaction. Uckofay was ultimately the choice I made in my gamertag selection, probably because it had an edgier and more aggressive sound to it than my previous screen name.

My brother's is a great example of a situational or observational nickname. Being my younger brother, he was commonly called Little James. Well as he grew to be larger than I, little James did not fit very well. He couldn't be Big James as that would cause you to think he was the elder of the two. Well small and big are separated by Medium, and Medium James was born.

Damman this weekend changed his. Angry Damman could be considered an ironic tag. As a guy who is commonly quiet and thoughtful, the use of an aggressive adjective is not one you would commonly use with him.

PDramaRocks is one of my favorites. Pat is a guy known to happily complain and object to most things the community said or did, much like a popular Entourage character. The simple addition of Pat's first initial to Drama created one of the best fitting handles I have ever witnessed.

Nistur and NoTurn, I have no friggin clue where you guys got that. notNotHoward is a simple observation to a very complicated nickname, to which an entire additional post could be written.

In all of these situations, I know none of us to be alternate ego personalities. For the most part the Three B group act online as you would expect them to act in person. I feel this usage of a handle to be the most common, or at least I am optimistic that it is. My fear is that as younger generations grow up with internet personalities from an earlier age and discover the ability anonymity gives to be a complete ass online, they will gravitate towards alternate identities. If they choose to do so, let us just hope they at least create some amusing handles to block.

Karma is an asshole

Well didn’t this lil man just have an interesting night last night. Per usual, whenever my bad influence comes into town, shenanigans follow. With Korey suggesting this could be one of the last trips he makes to Baltimore, I ventured out for one drink that naturally turned into a few more. What can I say, I need booze to suffer through his dominance of me in all of the bar games we play.

Well fast forward to the Waterfront where we are playing billiards. As I humbly sit aside and watch Korey play some dude, I enjoy sips of Sam’s in between insults about my choice to wear a scarf. It was friggin cold alright? Then out of nowhere, like Wal-mart Wolverine on a price drop, Mickey descended upon me. Mickey can best be summed up as such: Over 40 woman, Iranian decent, decent appearance for her age if you like the skuzzy Balmore type who reeks of smoke and seafood. While draped over my shoulder, sniffing my hair and groping various areas, she informed me we were now pool partners, she was recently divorced, and she was horny.

Now normally I have a great sense of humor, I love when this shit happens to OTHERS, but tonight with the look in Baby Bop and associates’ eyes, I knew I had to suffer through this one for the team. So in between texts about getting man raped and drink after drink to make this situation a little more tolerable, I took solace in the fact that somehow, somewhere, Mike Ford was smiling.

Let us turn focus to the hilaaarious image accompanying this post. Yes my friends, the new Xbox experience is upon us, and my avatar has already bludgeoned Damman’s. This thing might just catch on. I am impressed for the most part. The system seems to run faster, information is laid out in a way which makes sense. I love the Gamertag and Game blades, which show information in an easy system, where before you had to dig through multiple layers to see what achievements could be had and were accomplished.

It will take time to see how it fleshes out in terms of user interaction, but party set up, and avatar games could add a decent Wii like influence to the console. Bravo M$, it took you four years, but you finally have an OS that makes sense.