Monday, November 24, 2008

This Football Season Is No Fantasy of Mine

Fantasy football. FANTASY football. You would think that something claiming to be a fantasy would be way more pleasant than what is currently happening in my football fantasy. At this moment I am bringing up the rear in one league, and I am third to last in the other. And my "good" team hasn't so much as squeaked by in each of my victories. My personal fantasy football moment involves more blow outs, less injuries, more offense, no bad players, and no bad management. Shit - I would even settle for more close games as long as I win. Fantasy. Instead I get football hell. The only blow outs occur when I am taking it raw. If a star players goes down, chances are I own him. If I don't own him, then he is probably the guy that should be passing the ball to my star receiver (fucking Tom Brady). If a player had a breakout season last year and was poised for great things, then I made sure that my guy was the one that proved that the previous season was, in fact, a fluke. And that leaves managerial errors... If Yahoo! predicts a my no-name running back or wide receiver to have a career making week because the player over shadowing him goes down or because he is playing the Lions, and this prediction influences me to bench my older future Hall of Fame player, then the chances are that the no-name player will continue to be a no-name player and the future Hall of Famer will have the greatest game of his life... while sitting on my bench. Fantasy. For about half the teams the season turns into a hellish mix of headaches and bad decisions... sort of like undergrad. A little less than half of the teams have season that ends with "I almost made a difference" or "I was so close"... sort of like life. And then there are the select few. Out the thousands that "play" each season, there are the champions. They made all of the right decisions: getting a lesser draft pick that meant you couldn't snag those super stars that had the worst seasons of their careers and instead had to settle for the guy that turned out to lead the league is everything, stumbling across a couple of free agents that turned out to be key role players (like the guy that runs for 21 yards and 2 TDs), getting his roster to play a nice mix "now you guys can take a break this week, but this means that you guys need to have break out weeks," and making sure his players stayed healthy all year... So you know, all of the things that they didn't actually have any control over. Fantasy. This game needs a new name. My fantasy would have more human interaction (because its more fun to talk smack in person), more money (I would be happy to sign a 10 year contract worth $2.4 million annually to play this game in Yahoo! over ESPN), and more cheerleaders. I would settle for each games' highlights to be reenacted by cheerleaders, but again this is my fantasy. *Sigh* Fantasy.


Jason said...

See, you whine and you shall receive. As soon as you posted this, you locked up a nice lil win over me. Jackass.