Tuesday, April 14, 2009


So it's finals season again. Things have changed though from my days at MSU. I actually have a group to study with for one of my harder classes: Physics. And the others I've found myself taking notes, doing ungraded homework, and even studying more than just an hour the night before an exam. Well on my way to another 3.5 and up semester. But some things don't change easily. I have an 8-10 page report due a week from Thursday that I've hardly even started thinking about, the rough draft of which was due two weeks ago.

Sadly I can see myself falling into the same trappings I do whenever I'm tasked with a long paper. Every time I think about it, all I see is the full bulk of it looming over me ominously.

I understand this is bad. I need to separate myself from the total mass of the paper and just start chipping away at it. There's time too. I have before me a monumental opportunity. Over a week before this report is due, I have nearly a full day to work on it. I could even get it completely written and (brace yourself) actually be able to revise it before the due date. I never do that! Typically I put it off, or stare at a blank Word document until hours before it's due. Then I drop all refinement and simply begin vomiting content onto the screen, too tired to care about its completeness or flow. That usually earns me a B+/A-, so what's the harm?

If all I wanted was a grade, then there is none. A couple hours worth of sleep lost the night before is a pretty fair exchange for an A-. But dammit! What do I actually learn? What happens when I'm actually counted on to write something good, and my ability to move up in a job depends on me being able to do better then a poor A-? Not to mention that I actually WANT to be proud of my work.....*sigh*. So that's where I am right now. I realize this isn't a terribly interesting blog, but I have some hope that by confessing my detestable literary ways I might find the strength to change. I do have control over my own will don't I?


Jason said...

control over your own will? doubtful. but actually learning something instead of just getting a grade? I think you are ahead of 75% of all college students with that.