Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Mmmm tastes like bullshit

So I have enjoyed recently, news articles popping up over the backlash against the Acai berry from Brazil. The commercials and billboards and Oprah propaganda about the berry that will “grow your hair back, drop your gut 10 pounds, cure cancer, increase sexual potency” had gotten a little lame.

People were shelling out $80-$90 to buy this stuff and ingest it like it was cocaine. In reality, every berry has antioxidants and anti-inflammatory properties. Fruit in general is good for you. Not one study has ever said Acai or any fruit can cure cancer or do anything a multivitamin cannot. The fact is, it only took one genius to say “Hey, Americans don’t know about this South American fruit, lets tell them it will help you grow bigger breasts!”

Tell you what; I have a miracle drug of my own. I swear to your god that if you drink my product more and other beverages less, you will:

  • Lose weight
  • Have clearer skin
  • Feel refreshed
  • Live longer
  • And just about anything else that ails you.

It’s called water assholes.


Newman said...

You know, I've been drinking water more, and I've stopped drinking my 12-18 cans of Coke per day... and since, I've lost 86 lbs! You may be onto something here! (I'm still pissed about my hair loss though...)