Not sick and not a dope

So I have a bunch of posts coming soon on video games, music and sports... ya know, the important stuff. I may also have a post about how police officers can suck my nuts, but anyway, allow me to hold you over with a pearl of wisdom.

No.. no Facebook, I will not click to play. See I am not 14, from 1997, nor am I a Ninja Turtle. I find the terms "sickest" and "dopest" to mean disease and stupidity.. something you come to represent more and more everyday.

OK, see ya soon.

Why bother playing? Grading the fanatasy football draft

So after feeling particularly horrible about my fantasy football draft last night, having scored the super sweet 14th pick in the swing position, I decided I should really take a look overall at how that horrible team I had pieced together stacked up. I began to think about a way to grade everyone’s draft, but outside of using my entirely unprofessional opinion, a way to do it mathematically, and give what I rate some credence.

A few magical seconds later I came up with this method: Using the Yahoo! projections, (which is based off of Rotowire) take every starter’s projected year end fantasy points position for a team, each divided by 16 for the games played, and add them up. This figure should represent an average points scored per week for that team. At the end of it all, I would have a rank of power per team, theoretically breaking down that team’s performance for any given week. A few players did not have kickers, so I gave them an average overall kicker score. Well, let’s just say this got interesting.


My horrible draft turned out not so bad after all. Only five of us crafted a 100+ point team, with my hot Cooley Wives coming in 5th. My co-worker Greg gets the top spot with 104.04, and poor old Scott didn’t make it to 90, with 89.65. #1 overall pick holder Mr. Ford gets a 96.52 good for 9th place.

So naturally, it was time to turn this to our Dynasty league. This took a slight bit more prognostication, and some players had not set their starters yet. I used the best number per position on a team, so if Drew Brees was a 350.00 and Tom Brady a 400.00, I put Brady in the QB slot. This league also has one more starting position than the regular league, and only 10 teams, so point totals were significantly higher.


Well there you have it. The rich got richer. Last year’s champ Swampy Drunk Donkeys of Fordy score a motherfucking 134.50. That is 17.86 points higher than runner-up Dave at 116.64. Poor Howie appears not to have improved his chances much on finishing ahead of dead last again, with a score of 105.53 good for last. Myself, well I felt pretty good about my chances this year, now… well, who wants to trade me some free agency money and draft picks?

Another interesting item is Newman dropping from 3rd to 8th. Obviously intangibles like bench spots are not a factor here, as Newman’s “3 Great QBs” scheme does not equal points on the starter bench in this algorithm, where last year it proved strong when injuries and trades came up.

All told, this paints an interesting picture for the year to come, I think it is a fair guess at how everyone will finish, if you subtract manager skill, and give or take the free agent gems and injuries … not to mention those who fall asleep after week 6.

Can’t wait to come back in December and see how this draft score/projection worked out.

Rumors of our demise were greatly exaggerated

100 can be a big number can’t it? If you make it to 100 years old, you’re considered healthy, a specimen stronger than 90% of your peers. 100 bucks is nothing to scoff at for the vast majority of the world’s population. 100 M&M’s filled that jar you tried to guess the contents of.

In the Blogging world, 100 kinda blows… well depending on how long it took you to get there. A really well written, ok scratch that, an obsessive blogger who cares to write content daily would be here in a few months. It took us three years. But yay for us!

A project born of communication between college friends expanded into commentary on media, booze, life, sports and empty thoughts. Readership is only a hundred or so people who all know us directly, mixed in with the hundred or so who stumble in from the wide world of the interwebs.

What matters about this blog is the ability to type what comes from our minds and have our friends absorb it. We used to have discussions about nothing on an hourly basis in our dorms and apartments. Now we only talk on birthdays, weddings and non-frequent random occasions. By placing thoughts and content on a equally assessable shelf, we can all hear… or read, the opinion of our friend again whom totally forgot we didn’t want to hear it in the first place.

So to our 100th post I say hello to my college brethren, all our gathered friends, and to the randoms who googled Miley Cyrus and found that one post where I wrote she’s a bimbo. I hope you come around for out next 100 as well.

A few good blogs are your allies in the fight against Mr. Clock

What do you do when you are bored? I read. I don’t read books per se, but I like to read articles; Stories and snippets on science and technology. Then there is the oft found blog about junk food and just junk that catches my eye. I thought I would share a few favorites.

This is Why You’re Fat is an incredible photojournalistic journey through some of the most disgustingly good looking food stuffs you could ever conceive. The skill some of these confection’s creators had to know the desires of our stomachs is beyond devine.

Everyone is familiar with the Gawker Media stable of blogs. I personally enjoy Kotaku’s work on video games, Gizmodo on technology and gadgets, and Lifehacker on 1,001 ways to improve the way you live your life.

Uncrate is a collection of things a guy never knew he needed to have until they told him. Five new items appear every day, and I recommend glancing through them all at the end of a hard day’s work earning your money to buy such devices.

Lunch Bag Art is a series of photographs by a video game artist who draws a new cartoon on his children’s lunch bags every day. All of you looking forward to being parents one day, this guy trumps you already.

Now if you forgive me, work needs to be done.

District 9

So I just saw this movie tonight, and in light of Jason's rave review, thought I would offer my own thoughts of it. I'll do my best to keep the plot spoiler free. If I'm to judge District 9 by the reactions of the person sitting next to me, then there's but one emotional response I need to go into: cringing. People explode in this movie. Lots of people, lots of exploding. If you've ever imagined a way that someone could possibly explode, this movie has you covered. Ok, to be fair there are some funny moments, the action and animation are top notch, and the whole human/alien oppression shtick hits pretty true. But man, this movie is gruesome.

The other point I wanted to make is about the aliens. Jason's review noted a real sense of caring for what come to be known as "prawns". I'd say he's half right. As a race they definitely come off as less despicable than their human oppressors, but there's only ever a couple of them that are given much regard, which I thought still fell a little short.

At any rate, if you can get past the abundance of exploding and gore, District 9 is a good movie. Action and aliens set to a solid, if guilt-inducing, story. Also, a robot. What more could you ask for?

District 9 equals total awesomeness

Very minor content and non-plot based spoiler alerts for those who have not seen District 9.

Not a spoiler alert: I am a geek. I love Sci-Fi.

I love this fucking movie.


District 9 elicited several emotions out of the person sitting next to me and myself. Laughter. Cheers. Anger. Crying. Really really crying. Fear. Disgust. Lots more cheers.

The basic plot is about aliens coming to earth, not really having any wherewithal to take care of themselves or find a way home, and the humans abusing them, segregating them, and trying to steal their technology.

What develops is a story about one man who is a self absorbed idiot, who somehow got the hot wife and thus a cushy job from her dad. Our “hero” never inspired much sympathy from me because his heroic acts are all self-involved, and hes a doofus.

Who I did/do cheer for are the “Prawn” or aliens. I found a very high level of emotion levied in them, and found myself drawn to their plight and personal desires. I caught myself wanting so badly for the humans to be slaughtered and the Prawn to escape back to their home world. The emotional journey you are taken on, from curiosity about the creatures, to disgust for human nature, to anger over torture, to joy when at least some aliens improve their lives, is a long trip.

I found myself the day after during a long drive, daydreaming about the alien characters I had just met, their incredible technology, guns, robots and the battles that ensued. I wanted to hear the child alien’s words again, and I wanted to watch 100 more human bodies explode upon use of the alien lightning gun. In other words, this is a DVD purchase.

Director Neil Blomkamp would have killed it if he got to make his Halo movie, instead he created this masterpiece. I feel this is a story that makes comments on bigotry, racism, class struggles, weapons industries, and the general disgusting feeling you get when you look at what really drives the human condition. Probably the most memorable line for me of the whole movie happens right away. “Not everyone was shocked when the alien ship did not come to rest over New York, Los Angeles or Chicago; but in Johannesburg.”

Simple messages, simple pleasures. Go see this and enjoy the CGI, enjoy the weapons, enjoy the action and the emotions. Stop for a second and think about the comments the movie makes, and then see the damn thing again cause it is so fun.

Hopefully you walk away feeling the same way I did; wanting the aliens to declare war on Earth and blow it all up. In this movie, we deserve it.

Score: 5 out of 5 for wicked alien badassery

Why Ad writers don't write movies... most of the time

Reading some news articles… who am I kidding… blog posts today, I found myself wondering why so many people, millions really, are so shocked that Transformers 1 and 2 were some of the worst movies ever made. G.I. Joe is ready to step in and take T2’s spot next week. Why such a shock though? Look at what you are working with for source material, and who was put in charge.


Transformers and G.I. Joe were not well written, story driven, childhood gems. They were commercials. 30 minuets long, decade spanning commercials, designed to sell toys. Trying to make a real movie out of them is like trying to take the Geico cavemen and make a TV show…. Oh yea, opps... well, point proven.

We didn’t watch these shows because they had stories on par with Looney Toons or Chip and Dales Rescue Rangers. We watched them because they had toy tie ins that we were captivated by and bought.

Very few of these series in the 80s had anything close to smart intellectual property, and because of that, I don’t ever expect the likes of Michael Bay or any other talentless director to be able to craft a real story about them.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had a moderate amount of entertainment value and success as a movie franchise, but that was because the source material had real writing and didn’t have to showcase a new vehicle or character every week to buy. There is one other hope for a great movie from our childhood in line with the Turtles. Thundercats.

The Thundercats were one of the most unique and well written ideas and series in the entirety of the decade, and it would transfer over beautifully to the live action big screen with the correct team.

Just take a look at what fans were able to do. (from io9) Gets you kinda juiced up doesn’t it?

Barrier of entry

I've been cursed with feeling insightful today. On a normal day I'll be searching through my usual treasure trove of entertainments to occupy my mind until the next essential comes up, but not today. Today, just glancing about the usual settings yields something new and inspiring. I don't need some overstimulating nonsense to keep my mind going at a normal clip, there's just a natural flow of good ideas coming in. I can even write this blog with a surprising minimum of distractions and needs to drag out my thesaurus. Now what's so damning about this welcome change to the norm? It just so happens I'll tell you.

This insight I'm boasting about comes at a price. All the things crammed at the back of my mind are resurfacing in a fresh new light. It still sounds like I'm complaining about a good thing doesn't it.....well so much of what inhabit the back of my temporal lobe are regrets. Things I've had such well meaning intentions to learn or revisit but never do. Books I haven't read, good movies never watched. Places never explored, ideas never fully thought out. Old friends I haven't reconnected with, girls I was too afraid to ask out.

On a normal day I have reasons for each and every one. "I was focused on something else", "I had too much going on", "I haven't finished that last book I started", "they probably don't remember me", "no WAY she's interested...." But on a day like today, I know these are all barriers I've made for myself. My cozy little comfort box that blocks away all things scary and new. All it would take is to invest some small time and effort to get past that initial hump of doubt and I'll have expanded this minuscule little chunk of existence I inhabit. That's it, that's all. On a day like today, everything feels like it should be in reach.

So why isn't it? Why can't I accomplish everything I want to in life? All kinds of imagined restrictions circle around, but the only one that seems to hold any truth is the one I hate to acknowledge more than any other: Time. Even should I manage to focus and accomplish things one by one, my imagination will always work faster than the rest of me. That's not even counting tomorrow when the flurry of doubts and barriers come back to play. Well, it's 4pm right now. Let's see what I can do today.

If only I could hide your news feed in real life

So I have not authored anything in quite awhile, I’ve been busy, tis the summer, all that good jazz. Something has been on my mind for awhile though and I may as well spit the thoughts out.

Nowadays we have Twitter, Facebook feeds, RSS readers, status updates on every IM client possible, and they all inundate us with way more info on a person than we even imagined we wanted.


On a given day I can wake up and look at Facebook to see a post where someone bitches about being awake early, a picture of new hardwood floors (!), or a comment on a failed relationship. This all leads me emotionally to two ends:

First, I realize out of 400 plus people I’ve added on Facebook, I could care less about what 350 of them are doing on a day to day basis, if that. On Twitter, I don’t care at all what anyone is doing that moment, and MySpace, well I just deleted all of you and myself on that one.

Second, I wonder how many people feel that way about my updates. Now I do not exploit my inner emotions a fraction as much as the people who really irk me. I have a new girlfriend, yet I rarely mention her, I am in constant physical pain, yet I don’t complain, I have a tedious 9 to 5 job like most of this country, and I just get up and go. However, I am sure comments I make about hockey games, political action, or lame jokes are equally boring to some as their complaints of life are to me.

The mega question and overall point is this. Are we in reality further distancing emotional attachment to each other by over saturating ourselves with too much info on our friends? These systems are designed to “bring us closer” and “connect” but I find myself every day removing someone permanently from my news feed, and I, although I tried, could give a crap about what you Twitter. Am I in turn alienating friends who don’t care about whatever gibberish I post?

I wonder if the people who reach out the most with these services are just too outgoing or are they people who historically never got any attention from peers and now feel they are accepted and heard just because they were “Added” by someone on the community.

Maybe we’ve reached a point where we need to back off and leave a little more mystery to the world. As a telecomm geek and media professional, I understand connectedness extremely well, but for the love of l33t, I just don’t understand why you deemed it necessary to post a picture of your sick hamster on my wall.

Who wants a sledgehammer to the face?

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, allow me to ask you some simple questions…

Have you ever wanted to smash someone in the face with a sledgehammer?


Have you ever wanted to bring down a building, piece by piece, with that same hammer?

Forget the hammer, how about strategically placing mines around that building so you can take out the support system and make it fall on a bunch of dudes you were going to sledge hammer anyway?

Have you ever wanted to fire rocket launchers at chemical tanks and cause massive chain reactions blowing up buildings and killing dozens?

How about firing a gun that breaks down a person or object to its molecular bits and pieces?

I KNOW you’ve wanted to drive trucks, tanks and walking robots, arms swinging, through buildings... going back to finish off any survivors you missed on the first pass.

I imagine hunting for a series of objects to destroy and complete a mission would be interesting to you as well. How about a bunch of wind turbines? Maybe you’d like to place a charge on the side and watch it fall onto the head of that dude over yonder? Yea, I thought so.

Would you like a world that promises absolutely every man-made object can be destroyed, bit by bit, first the concrete, then the rebar, then the dude standing behind it?

Just go buy Red Faction: Guerilla then. I really can’t sum it up any better than this: Boom.

Score: 4 out of 5 Sledgehammers to the face

Letting the kid have his tantrum

I am still pretty upset over the Red Wings losing the Stanley Cup. It is a hard reality to accept after you have seen your team win 4 of 4 over 12 years. As a fan base we grew accustomed to being the best year in and year out, countless 100 point seasons, multiple Presidents trophies to go along with the playoff success.

I think we still are the best team, and I would pick us over Pitt again next year in a heartbeat. The West will only get better through Chicago, but Pitt will have to fight Washington, Boston and Carolina to get back.

I think what stings me most is my hate of everything Pittsburgh stands for. I hate this city more than any other in the country. Living so close to the city and attending so many Baltimore/Washington versus Pittsburgh sporting events, I have never in my life encountered dumber or more obscene fans; many who frequent my Facebook experienced one such fan before she was removed. Now before I go further, I make no claim that this is unbiased, of course this statement is biased. This is an opinion based blog, duh.

Crosby was anointed king of the league when he was 17. It was not his choice, and I think he handled it well... at first. I think attention and media can consume you though, and it can blur reality. If I am a parent who just has kids, sure I’ll let them look at Sid as a role model and be content that this is a fine upstanding man who doesn’t do drugs and is a fine hero to have. If I am a parent of a young hockey player, I do not think as highly of him.

I expect a role model to leave the rink without chopping someone’s ankles. I expect him to not punch another player’s crotch, specifically a player who at the time was fighting someone else. I expect him to not complain about every other call. Yea captains talk to the refs, but it generally happens two or three times a game, not every stoppage of play. I think that has as much to do with his mentor as it does his own sense of self satisfaction though. There was one other great captain who was known as a fantastic whiner before Cros showed up, and that happens to be Cros’s current landlord, Mario Lemieux.

Beyond Cros is Malkin. As my brother so perfectly stated, the guy is a punk. He’s a very talented punk, but the dude can’t keep composure at all during a loss. Has he ever fought when his panties were not in a tizzy?

I think the Pens beat the Red Wings fair and square. I can’t blame fatigue or injury, the Wings didn’t show up in game six or seven, so good job Pens. I can say I hate the image Pittsburgh and its players with the cup, and I know I am certainly not in the minority on that one.

Enjoy it Sid, and get off the stage please, there are some much more dynamic (Ovechkin), composed (Zetterberg) and classy (Toews) players better suited for your “position”.

Stop the greedy. Boycott Bono

Radio has been with you all your lives. Radio plays the Christmas music for you that you never buy. Radio introduces you to new artists you have never heard of. Radio keeps you up to date on the community you live in and connects you with the culture you belong to.

Radio plays the single from the new artist who then gains popularity, makes new music, and then goes on to be one of the biggest super stars in the world. A single radio station group pays hundreds of thousands of dollars a year for the rights to play this music; for the right to give FREE publicity to this superstar artist. Now this artist, along with dozens of others and the RIAA are pushing legislation on Capitol Hill that will force broadcasters to virtually DOUBLE the fees they pay to play music on air.

The super star artist I talk about is U2’s Bono, along with other big names like Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins and the R&B group the Black Eyed Peas. These artists would be flipping burgers without radio, not famous, unknown to you and your friends. They would not be at concerts held by radio stations in their honor or being primped and gifted at meet and greets.

This “Performance Tax” is pushed by the RIAA, artists and record labels as something they need to survive, something radio owes them. In case anyone didn’t notice, nearly every broadcasting company in this country is down in revenue in the past few years, some as much as 50%. Radio has been shrinking for more time than that. And they want stations to double what they pay? The artists need to be responsible and learn how to negotiate better contracts with their labels, not try to steal from a wounded ally who built them up.

See, there is a law called Payola. This law makes it illegal for labels to PAY RADIO to play songs. Hmm, why would that be illegal? Are you saying artists would give anything to get on the radio? That radio gives a competitive advantage to those who get on its airwaves? And yet by the artists’ claims now, radio should be paying even more for the right to play their song. It’s fucking bizzaro world.

I call on you to boycott U2. I call on you to boycott the Black Eyed Peas. I call on you to boycott the Smashing Pumpkins. I call on you to read the news on this issue and discover who else is trying to cut off music’s nose in spite of its face.

Call your legislator, tell them to support radio. Tell them you as a listener think fair is already fair enough.

If you don’t, one day soon you’ll turn your radio on and hear nothing at all.