My only regret is that I have boneitis

Well, I have returned from vacation. Actually I returned from vacation a week ago and then died from a super flu and was reborn as a zombie later this week. I felt kind of like those brain blob guys from Futurama. The post title was totally a better and more fitting quote to start with, along with being overused on my trip home. Thats a fair sum up of how I have been feeling. As I get over mourning the loss of half of my vacation, I turn to reflection of a few things. Fantasy sports, hockey, and daytime television.

First, I must congratulate Mikey Ford for what was an astounding fantasy football season. Counting his playoff run, Mike went a ridiculous 14-3 on his march to Dynasty Football Champion for our keeper league's first ever season. It will be of great interest to see if he holds onto this kind of success next year. Another pat on the back to Newman for also finally getting off the mat with his first ever 3B league point with his 3rd place finish. For me, if you wish to go back a few posts and read my skepticism, I played Orlovsky and I lost. I could have easily waltzed into the finals with Romo, but no, I gain a tiny 3rd place point out of the traditional league, and mediocrity continues. I am the only 3B league player to invest over 10 seasons in any sport (16) and not have a championship. Guess theres always hockey...

Turning to hockey, I have two thoughts. I was generally against the Winter Classic for a few reasons, and I have a long way to go to be charmed over by it. Am I pleased by the national stage the Red Wings had to show their style of play? Yes. Do I think this game is going to continue to succeed year after year? Hell no. College football is meaningless now on Jan. 1st thanks to the national championship being jettisoned to Jan. 18th or some shit, so most of the nation doesn't care about what is on. For me and many of our readers, we did. The Spartans got to play in their first new year bowl game in forever, which led to an overworking of my clicker thumb as I flipped back and fourth. All of the people without a specific care that day could have tuned into the classic, however, and become new hockey fans. Fantastic. Imagine how disappointed they will be next year when its 65 and the ice melts, or a snow storm ruins the game. Failure will come and The league better see this for the spectacle it is and not a crown jewel.

Trudging on with my temper towards the NHL right now, lets look at the All-Star starters as determined by the "fans." One single Stanley Cup Champion? Hmm nope. The current best player and MVP? Hmm nope. A ridiculous 4 players from the host city, 3 and 3 from two lowly western teams, and the leagues poster child cry baby? Yes, yes and yes. The fan raping of the ballots led to 3 Blackhawks, 3 Ducks, 4 Canadians, and of course Sid and Malks. I guess the blame could rest on fans of real talent for not voting, but like others, I am just accustomed to merit allowing players to start, not how many times I texted my vote.

Finally, when sick and dieing, you get lots of TV time. I learned I have way too many movie channels, and there is a lot of Hayden Christensen and Daniel Craig on the TV tube these days. Oh, I also learned I have Tory lineage in my blood, cool stuff.

Ok, back to work and back to quality posts for the new year.

Peace.

On the shoulders of Lions

How desperate does a man have to be to put his faith in the worst?

This weekend I approach a rarity in my life… a fantasy sports semifinal. The 3B has a deep history of fantasy football and hockey, reaching back six or seven years now. Thanks to an over active geek-gland I track performance of the group across our four leagues. With our new Dynasty style leagues just now starting up, data focuses on only the traditional “draft every year” leagues we’ve had, but I have a table showing each participant’s “Performance %.” This stat is essentially based on a simple 1:1 ratio of career points against seasons you have played.


In our little world, if you finish first, you gain 4 points; second, 2; and third, 1. If you equal out to say 11 points over 11 seasons like Mr. E. Goedtel, you bat a perfect 100%. If you are a ridiculous overachiever like K. Firth, you obtain 8 points in 5 seasons for a 160% ranking. Now, bragging rights within the group really fall on how many points you’ve gained, making Baby Bop the top dog, but just like any sport with any geek fan fare, stats are fun to look at and this provides a unique way to see whom is playing better than whom.

Yes, dwindling down near the bottom (players with just one or two seasons omitted) is your brave author, with a pathetic 11 seasons worth 3 points for his fabulous 27.27%. Now I know the shut out of Room 312 will end this year with either Ford or Newman guaranteed at least 1 point, and they have not historically been finishers, but of all the people with 10 or more seasons, I just blow. I mean the next spot up is Damman with at least a full out championship and 40%. When you consider the drop off in seasons to the guy below me is 6, I am just not happy with my history of finishes.

So that brings me back to my point. How desperate do you need to be? Already eliminated in the Dynasty league, I take on my old roomie in the traditional football semifinals. I have three QBs on my bench this week. Mr. Warner is a legendary scapegoat in this league. He will always find a way to destroy you. Facing New England in a blizzard this Sunday is not the best match-up Mr. Warner and I could ever dream of, especially with one of his star wide outs gone. Mr. Romo? Yea he’s playing the #2 defense in the league, Baltimore. That should be fun. So who might I turn to? None other than Mr. Dan Orlovsky of the Detroit Lions. The kid threw for over 200 yards in his last two starts, couple TDs and is going up against a Saints team that only thinks offense. All the “pros” say he’s a hot pick this week, but good lord, a Lion? A Lion QB?

If I make this choice, lord have mercy on me.

Eric, here is your championship game invite.